I am never speaking in the breakroom again. I was making coffee and I casually said, “We probably shouldn’t be leaving food in here overnight.” It felt like a throwaway comment. IA couple other people nodded. That should have been the end of it.

Later that day, I was in a meeting and someone brought it up again, but more formally. It became, “There’s been some concern about food being left in shared spaces.” I remember thinking, what concern. That just happened this morning. No one questioned it though.

The next day, I got an email about it. It said something like, “As discussed, we want to be mindful of shared breakroom standards,” which made it sound like this had already been agreed on somewhere I wasn’t aware of. Then it kept going. A few days later, there was another message with “best practices,” including specific timeframes for when food should be removed. It was written like this had always been the expectation.

At some point, I walked into the breakroom and saw it printed out and taped to the fridge. That’s when it felt official. People started referencing it like it had always been a rule. I heard someone say, “I think we’re supposed to clear things out by end of day,” and no one questioned that either.

Then the following day, someone threw away food that had been left overnight. That turned into a whole separate issue.

Now there were conversations about labeling, ownership, and “visibility of items.” At this point, it fully became a process. There are guidelines. There are expectations. There is language around accountability.

I keep thinking about that moment in the breakroom when I said it. I don’t know exactly when it became policy.

But it definitely is now.

I recently sat in a meeting where my manager spent a full hour explaining a process that technically exists but doesn’t seem to do anything. It started with them saying this was “important for alignment,” which is usually how you know something confusing is about to happen. They pulled up a document and started walking through it step by step. On the surface, it sounded structured. There were stages, approvals, checkpoints, all the things that make something feel official.

But the more they explained it, the less clear it became what the process actually produced. At one point, they said the purpose was to “capture visibility before action,” which sounded important until I realized I didn’t know what that meant. Then they explained that before doing anything, you have to log that you’re thinking about doing it.

Not doing it. Just thinking about it. That gets reviewed. By someone else. Who then decides if it should move to the next step, which is documenting why it might happen. After that, there’s another review to confirm that the reasoning aligns with the original intention, which had already been reviewed.

At this point, no actual work has been done. Someone asked what happens if the task is urgent. There was a pause, and then my manager said, “That’s why the process is so important.” That did not answer the question.

They continued explaining how this creates accountability, which seemed to mean that multiple people are now aware that something might happen at some point. Then they said, “This helps us avoid unnecessary work,” which was confusing because we were currently doing a lot of work just to avoid doing work.

At one point, someone asked what happens at the end of the process. There was another pause. Then they said, “At that point, we evaluate next steps.” Which sounded exactly like where we started.

No one pushed on it. We all just nodded.

By the end of the meeting, I understood the process completely in the sense that I could repeat it back, but I still had no idea what it was for. Later that day, someone referenced it like it was critical.

I think we’re all just going to use it now. Not because it helps or actually does anything, but because it exists.

There were rumors for a while about two people at work, but nothing anyone could actually confirm. Just one of those things where everyone kind of knew something was going on, but no one had proof. Then one day someone went to grab something from the supply closet. The door was closed, which was already unusual because it’s almost always open. They knocked, thinking maybe someone was just restocking.

There was a pause... Not a normal pause. A very specific kind of pause.

Then someone inside said, “Just a second,” in a voice that sounded like they were actively trying to sound normal. That alone was enough to raise concern.

After a few more seconds, the door opened just a little, and one of them stepped out, acting very casual, like they had just been doing a completely normal supply-related activity. They immediately started explaining what they were doing.

No one had asked.

While this was happening, the second person was still inside. Then they also came out. Also trying to act normal.

Now there are three people standing there, and no one knows what to do with the moment.

The person who originally knocked just said, “I just needed paper,” even though they were not holding anything that required paper. The two of them nodded like that made complete sense.

There was a long pause where everyone clearly understood what had just happened but no one acknowledged it. Then someone said, “Okay,” and left. The rest of the day was very quiet.

By the next morning, everyone somehow knew, even though no one admitted to telling anyone.

The supply closet door has not been closed since.

My co-worker decided it would be funny to slightly move everything on someone’s desk. Not hide it, not take anything, just shift everything a few inches so it looked normal but felt wrong.

At first it worked exactly as intended. The person came in, sat down, and immediately paused. They looked around slowly like something was off but they couldn’t prove it. They adjusted their chair, then their keyboard, then their mouse. They stared at the monitor like it had moved overnight. A few people nearby were watching and trying not to react. It was actually pretty funny at that point. But then it kept going.

They started checking things more carefully. They opened drawers, picked things up, put them back down in slightly different spots, then stepped away from the desk like they needed a reset. At one point they asked out loud if anyone had been at their desk. Everyone said no. That’s when it shifted from funny to something else.

They sat back down and just stared at everything for a while. You could tell they were trying to convince themselves it was fine. Then they started putting everything back the way they thought it should be, but it clearly wasn’t matching whatever they remembered. Now they were frustrated.

Eventually someone told them it was just a joke, and there was this long pause where they didn’t react at all. They just said, “Okay,” in a very calm way. No one laughed after that.

For the rest of the day, they kept adjusting things on their desk like they still didn’t trust it. The person who did it said it was supposed to be harmless. I think it technically was.

But it definitely went further than they expected.

‍

Every call I’m on starts with at least one person asking, “Can you hear me?” even though we can already hear them. Sometimes they ask it more than once. Everyone says yes, but they don’t seem to trust it, so they ask again.

At least one person is always talking while muted. You can see them speaking, but nothing is coming through. Someone eventually says, “You’re muted,” and they fix it, but by then whatever they were saying is gone. Then someone else joins late and asks the same question again. “Can you hear me?” We go through the whole thing again.

There’s always a moment where multiple people start talking at once, then stop, then tell each other to go ahead. No one ever actually does. Eventually someone just keeps talking and everyone else lets it happen.

This happens every single time. It feels like part of the process now.

I was in a meeting where someone said, “Let me share my screen,” and everything slowed down immediately. There was a pause while they tried to find the button, then another pause while they picked the wrong screen. For a few seconds, we were all looking at something we were definitely not supposed to see.

They stopped sharing, then started again, then asked, “Can everyone see this?” even though it was already very clearly on the screen. Everyone said yes. Then they started moving the mouse around slowly like they were introducing us to it. They kept saying things like, “So right here,” while circling something that didn’t actually explain anything.

At some point they opened another window, which covered the thing they were trying to show. No one said anything. We all just watched. They apologized for the confusion, but then continued doing the exact same thing. Eventually they found what they were looking for, but by then it didn’t feel important anymore.

When they were done, they said, “Hopefully that helped.” No one confirmed that it did.

I work with someone who always ends explanations with “does that make sense?” and I’ve realized it’s not actually a question. It feels more like a checkpoint you’re expected to pass.

They’ll explain something in a way that almost makes sense, but not quite, and then immediately ask it before I’ve had time to process anything. There’s always a very small window where I could say no, but it feels like a trap. If I say no, I have to explain what part didn’t make sense, and I don’t even fully understand it yet.

So I just say yes. Everyone says yes. Sometimes someone hesitates for a second like they’re thinking about being honest, but then they also say yes.

And then we move on.

The problem is that whatever they explained continues to not make sense later, but now it’s too far removed to bring it back up. So it just becomes one of those things everyone is quietly working around.

Every once in a while, someone will reference it again, and you can tell nobody really understands it, but everyone still acts like they do.

At this point, “does that make sense?” doesn’t feel like a question anymore. It feels like a moment where we all agree to pretend.

At a meeting last week, someone said, “This should be easy,” which is something people only say when it is absolutely not easy. It was about a task that sounded simple enough at first, so nobody questioned it.

Then we actually opened it.

It immediately became clear that this was not easy. There were steps inside of steps, and every time you completed one thing, it created two more things that also needed to be done. No one wanted to say anything, though, because we had already agreed it was easy. So we all just kind of nodded and acted like we understood what was happening. Someone even said, “Yeah, this is straightforward,” which I think made it worse because now we were all committed to the idea.

At some point, someone asked a question that revealed they were completely lost, but they phrased it in a way that sounded like they understood, so it didn’t actually help. We kept going like that for a while, just pretending we were making progress. Eventually, we finished something. I’m not sure what, but it looked complete enough that everyone agreed we were done. Later, someone said, “That wasn’t too bad,” and everyone nodded again.

I still don’t know what we did.

There’s someone I work with who always starts with “quick question,” and I don’t think it has ever once been quick. It always feels harmless at first. They’ll say it casually, like this is going to take thirty seconds and then we’ll both move on with our lives.

Then there’s this pause. And then they take a deep breath. That’s the moment I know I’ve made a mistake.

Because what comes next is never a question. It turns into a full explanation of something that happened earlier, involving people I don’t work with, decisions I wasn’t part of, and details that may or may not matter. I try to follow it, but it just keeps expanding. They’ll say “so basically,” and I think we’re finally getting to the point, but it somehow gets more complicated instead.

At some point I realize I don’t actually know what the question is anymore, but I also feel like I’m too far in to ask. So I just keep nodding and saying things like “yeah” and “right” so it seems like I understand what’s happening.

Eventually they stop and say, “So yeah, just wanted your thoughts.” And I panic a little because I have no idea what I’m supposed to be responding to.

So I say something vague like, “Yeah, that makes sense,” and hope that was the correct response. They always seem satisfied, which is confusing because nothing actually got resolved.

This has happened enough times now that I’ve started bracing myself whenever they say “quick question.” I don’t think there has ever actually been a question.

So we had "bring your dog to work day," which already felt like a risky decision because most of the people here can barely manage themselves, let alone another living thing. But everyone was excited. Like weirdly excited. Like this was going to fix morale or something.

It started off normal enough. A few dogs, some wagging, a couple people pretending to work while sitting on the floor petting them. Then more dogs showed up. And then more.

At one point I looked around and realized there were more dogs than people, which felt like a bad sign that no one acknowledged.

The first issue was the barking. One dog barked, then another dog responded, and then suddenly it turned into what I can only describe as a conference call between dogs. Nobody stopped it. People just kept talking louder over it like that was helping.

Then one of the dogs got loose. Not like, wandering. I mean full sprint. This thing ran through the office like it had a meeting to get to. It knocked over a chair, slid across the floor, and disappeared into another department. Someone yelled the dog's name but there were now five dogs with the same name, so that did nothing.

About an hour in, there was an "incident." I didn't see it happen, but I saw the aftermath. There was a small circle of people standing around pretending not to look at the floor while someone quietly said, "It's fine, I've got it," which is how you know it was not fine. Meanwhile, my manager spent most of the day talking to one specific golden retriever like it was a senior executive. At one point he actually said, "Love your energy," which I have never heard him say to a human person.

By the afternoon, nobody was working. One dog had claimed a chair. Another was under a desk refusing to move. Someone was holding a meeting while actively throwing a ball down the hallway.

At some point I realized I hadn't done anything all day and no one else had either, but somehow it still felt like a very full workday. Before we left, someone said, "We should do this more often," and several people agreed, which was honestly the most concerning part of the entire experience.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure one of the dogs has a better reputation here than I do now.

This all started because someone shared a spreadsheet and said, "This should be pretty straightforward," which is something people only say when it is absolutely not straightforward. It had like six tabs, none of them labeled in a way that meant anything, and every time you clicked something, something else changed somewhere else. I opened it and immediately felt like I had done something wrong.

Later that afternoon, we had a meeting to "walk through it," which ended up being 45 minutes of one person scrolling while everyone else stared at the screen and nodded like we were following along. At one point someone said, "Oh yeah, that makes sense," and I felt a wave of relief because I assumed they understood it, but then five minutes later they asked a question that proved they absolutely did not. Nobody wanted to be the first person to admit they didn't get it, so we all just kept pretending. You could actually feel it, like a silent agreement that we would all suffer together instead of asking for help.

At one point the person presenting said, "Let me know if I'm going too fast," and everyone immediately said, "Nope, this is great," which was insane because no one knew what was happening. Someone started taking notes. Not helpful notes, just writing things down so it looked like progress was being made.

About halfway through, the spreadsheet froze. Everyone just stared at it. No one spoke. It felt like the only honest moment of the entire meeting. When it came back, the presenter said, "Okay, so based on this we just need to align on next steps," which sounded important but meant absolutely nothing.

By the end, we had no understanding, no decisions, and somehow three follow-up meetings scheduled. After the meeting, I messaged a coworker and said, "Do you understand that spreadsheet?" and they said, "Not even a little." I asked another person. Same answer.

So now we're all just moving forward with something that no one understands, but everyone is confidently referencing. Yesterday someone said, "As we saw in the spreadsheet," and everyone nodded again.

I'm starting to think the spreadsheet might not actually do anything and we're just orbiting it like it's important.

Someone sent an email that was clearly meant for one person, but somehow it went to the entire company. Not like a small group either, I mean everyone. Hundreds of people. The subject line was just "quick question," which already felt ominous.

The email itself was harmless, just asking about a document, but within about 30 seconds someone replied-all with "I think you meant to send this to one person," which is the exact moment everything fell apart. Because then someone else replied-all saying "Please remove me from this thread." And then another person replied-all saying the same thing. And then another. Within like two minutes, the entire company was stuck in a loop of people replying-all to say they didn't want to be included in the replies that they were actively contributing to. At one point someone tried to be helpful and sent a message that said "Everyone please stop replying-all," which of course was also sent to everyone. That one got at least 15 replies. Someone wrote "Agreed." Someone else wrote "Seconded." One person just replied "STOP."

It did not stop.

About 10 minutes in, people started getting creative. Someone replied-all with a meme. Someone else said, "While I have everyone here, does anyone know where the good pens are?" which honestly felt fair at that point. Then a manager jumped in and said, "Let's all be mindful of inbox volume," which felt like trying to stop a flood with a paper towel. The best part was one person who replied-all with "Unsubscribe," like this was a newsletter and not a crisis we were actively creating together. By the time it finally died down, there were over 100 emails in the thread, none of which answered the original question. No one ever addressed the document.

The next day we all just went back to normal like it didn't happen, but you could tell everyone remembered. There was this quiet understanding that if it happened again, we would absolutely do the exact same thing.

So this started because I said, "Yeah, I can take a look at that," to something I definitely should not have taken a look at.

It was supposed to be simple, like fixing a document or updating something small, I don't even remember what it was now. Next thing I know, I'm in a meeting with a bunch of people I don't normally talk to, and nobody is really explaining anything, everyone is just kind of talking around the thing and nodding like it all makes sense, so I just started nodding too because it felt like the safest option.

At one point, someone says, "We should have you own this moving forward," and I genuinely thought they were talking to someone else. Like, I actually looked around my screen to see who they meant. But then everyone just immediately agreed, like, "Yep, perfect," and the meeting ended.

No explanation, no "Here's what this is," just done.

And somehow now it's mine.

About 20 minutes later, I get a calendar invite for something I have never heard of that is now happening every week forever. People start messaging me asking for updates, and I don't even know what the thing is yet. I asked my manager what exactly I'm supposed to be doing, and he said, "You'll figure it out," which I'm pretty sure means he also has no idea.

So I made a document so it looks like I'm working on something. It has a title and literally nothing else in it. I shared it with a few people, and one of them replied, "This is great," which honestly made things worse somehow.

Later, I was in another meeting, and someone asked me to walk through the plan, so I just started talking. I used a lot of vague words and kind of repeated myself and said things like, "We're still aligning," and "It's evolving," and nobody questioned it. One person was even taking notes, which felt insane because I was absolutely making it up as I went.

Anyway, I guess this is my job now.

I have meetings, people ask me questions, and I answer them with confidence, even though I have no idea what's happening.

I got called into a meeting with my manager and someone from HR, which is never a good sign, but I genuinely could not think of anything I had done wrong. I went through the past week in my head and the worst thing I could come up with was being five minutes late once and accidentally taking someone else's yogurt, which I did replace. The meeting starts and HR is doing that calm voice thing where everything sounds serious but also vague, and they say something like, "We've noticed a pattern," which immediately made me nervous because I did not know I had a pattern of anything.

I asked what the pattern was and there was this pause, and then my manager said, "It's more of a general concern," which is somehow worse. So I start listing things I might have done. I asked if it was about a project. They said no. I asked if it was about being late. They said no. I even brought up the yogurt thing and apologized again, and they both said that was not relevant, which somehow made me feel worse about it.

At one point HR said, "It's not one specific incident," which I think is corporate for "we don't have a specific reason." Then my manager said, "Sometimes it's just about fit," which I've heard before but never thought would be used on me while I was sitting right there. I asked what exactly wasn't a fit and he said, "It's hard to explain," which felt like a key detail.

So now I'm sitting there being told I'm being let go for something that no one can describe, and they're both nodding like this all makes sense. At one point I asked, "So what should I do differently in the future?" and HR said, "Just be mindful," which I'm pretty sure means nothing.

The whole thing lasted maybe 12 minutes. At the end, my manager said, "This isn't a reflection of you," which felt like it absolutely was. I packed up my desk, and on the way out someone asked if I'd be back after lunch, which I thought was optimistic.

The weirdest part is I still don't know what I did. I have replayed every conversation, every email, every meeting, and there is nothing.

I might have just been slowly fired over time and no one told me.